Wild.

“Now, I understand” – these words frame my life as I continue to (try to) be present in each day and learn more about myself. Nothing quite compares to the acceptance that your life has become something you’ve never dreamed of, and the concurrent realization that you can no longer imagine it any other way. To me that has been equally frightening and fulfilling.

The past year has been a whirlwind of experience, epiphany, emotion…and fun! 

I’ve never felt more comfortable in my own skin.

I have always enjoyed spending time alone, whether it be relaxing, traveling, exploring, curling up in a good book, catching some rays, perusing the farmers market, appreciating a great cup of coffee, taking photos, running the park. The list is endless.

But alas, I’m a walking oxymoron. I also crave human connection with friends, lovers, strangers. Exchanging stories, smiles, laughs. Sharing intimacy, jokes, hopes, and dreams. Planning trips, and taking unplanned trips. Just living.

I have to embrace it.

I am wild.

There are times that I need to be free.

The thought of “settling down” has become a foreign concept to me.

I need the open option to drop everything and do something outlandish for the sake of living.

So, I will give in to my wild. I will drink it in, and let it work for my life. 

My personal commandments:

I will express gratitude.

I must remind those that I love how much they mean to me more often.

I crave the sea and I shall not keep myself from it.

I will seek new learning experiences daily.

I must allow my yoga practice to transform my body and open my mind.

I will open my heart to new experiences, and guard it just enough.

It’s not a craving to continuously accomplish the next best thing, or to seek a cheap or unattainable thrill. There is no comparison in my wildness to create those ideals, merely the pleasure in living with joy, loving fully, and never ceasing to explore. These concepts I can stand by – it’s about time I stopped wasting energy wondering why I can’t settle down. This is me.

Wild. Fearless. Ready.

me, wild and free in paradise (Koh Chang, Thailand 2006)

“I had diverged, digressed, wandered, and become wild. I didn’t embrace the word as my new name because it defined negative aspects of my circumstances or life, but because even in my darkest days— those very days in which I was naming myself— I saw the power of the darkness. Saw that, in fact, I had strayed and that I was a stray and that from the wild places my straying had brought me, I knew things I couldn’t have known before.”  -Cheryl Strayed

FOMO

I’m sitting in my hotel room in (surprisingly) non-snowy Ohio…jealous. That ugly green monster crept up and I’m feeling a bit of New York FOMO from afar.

This past weekend I was having a whiskey-induced conversation about how I feel more and more like a New Yorker every day, totally loving it, yet that I also feel a bit frustrated that many don’t consider me “real” yet because I haven’t lived in the city for a year. Me, impatient? Never…

A friend kindly mentioned that, in his humble opinion, your “true” New Yorker status wasn’t necessarily measured in years, but in crises.

THIS COULD HAVE BEEN MY CRISIS! Snowmageddon. Snowpocalypse. My first Nor'easter. The inevitable initiation that tests my grit as it unites me with the rest of the city in misery and glory. Also, I’d kind of love to make a snowman for the first time in decades and enjoy the freedom of a snow day.

But I’m not home. I’m away for the work week, left to deal with this envy alone. Here I am, comparing myself to others – didn’t I just write about NOT doing that?! Yeah, I’m totally human. How easy it is for us to trick ourselves with these things called emotions!

I would never claim patience to be one of my best qualities. I like to think that most of my joie de vivre embodies an inherent sense of urgency and a desire to enjoy each day as it comes.  In this case, I’m glad that I’m a bit jealous right now.

This envy is reminding me to slow down and wait for my turn, and it’s unapologetically forcing me to deal with the fact that today is not my New York day.

It’s so easy to envision things in life exactly how we would like them to play out, and to set that expectation. But it certainly teaches us a lot more when we have to wait for it all to happen on life’s terms (sometimes nothing like that picture in our heads!). Good things come to those who wait…and I will wait, albeit not always patiently.

Times like these teach (if we listen). Stay warm and safe, everyone! And for my own selfish enjoyment, someone please at least make a snow angel for me ;)

Compared to What?

Back in college my favorite Finance professor incessantly asked us these three words as we responded to his problems and questions in class:

 “Compared to what?”

Each time this question was equally shocking yet expected when it touched my ear. I knew it was coming, but it still gave my brain that extra jolt and jitter without fail.


As a late-20-something, I think of these three words ALL OF THE TIME. In a city of so many people/endless options/constant stimulation I've discovered that they help to bring me back down to earth when my head is in the clouds.


We live in a world of comparison and I’ll admit that I am only human – I have these thoughts just like the rest of us. You know what I’m talking about. They begin with hearing others’ achievements, reading articles, watching TV, and simply observing in the world. Then they demonize and slide around in your mind whispering artificial timelines, negative self-talk, and unauthentic aspirations. These demons are personal, professional, and societal and they will drag us down if we let them.

- 27 is the peak running age for females

- Normal people get married by their thirties

- You need to bring home a certain salary by a certain age

- 14 is the optimal age by which to have learned a second language

- Single life is unfulfilling

- Women can’t possibly do (insert word/job title/task here)

If I even consider these thoughts as they relate to my own life, I completely fail them all. But compared to what? Are these even things that I want for myself at this point in time? And who else’s life would I even compare mine against? To my demons, I say:

- I don’t care if I’m 70 at the time – I will run Boston someday and THAT will be my peak running age

- I also don’t care what your version of “normal” is, - I haven’t met the right person and I love myself enough to decide not to marry the wrong one

- I am more concerned with the quality of life my job offers – the money will come someday if I am truly passionate about my work

- It’s too bad that I’m “old” by your standards – It's never too late by my own standards. I will become fluent in multiple languages in my lifetime and I am dedicated to putting the time in to achieve this

- I don’t consider myself to have an unfulfilled life or perspective. In fact, being single has propelled me to experience many life-altering dating epiphanies over the past year that have helped me to feel wiser and MORE fulfilled

- I can do anything I set my mind to, absent of gender (except bench more than my weight– that’s a no go)

Negativity and comparison creep in like fog covering the ground of our minds. Thankfully, all we need is a little mindfulness, reflection, and a change in perspective. Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the death of joy.” I choose joy. I know what I want and that, even if I don’t know when I want it, I can trust that things will fall into place with some hard work and a little faith.

So next time you find yourself angry or upset by one such demon, ask yourself the three magic words that Mario gifted to me. Choose joy. Change your frame of reference and remind yourself that you are a beautiful soul without anyone’s constraints (even your own). You are always enough, and you do not need anyone else’s version of your life story fogging up those rose-colored glasses!!!

How Do You Know?

(As you all know) I enjoy talking about my love for NYC. Since I first announced my plans to migrate, almost every person I’ve engaged with has asked me to evaluate my move within our conversation.

Initially most close friends and relatives were not surprised. They knew of my love affair with the city, and most of them guessed that I would easily adapt to such a vibrant, bustling place because many had lovingly dubbed me as “the busiest person they know.” But naturally, the question arose:

 “How do you know that this is the right move for you? Are you scared? Won’t you miss home?”

To be honest, the only thing that kept me from overanalyzing the nagging fear of making a crazy decision was the ridiculous amount of preparation required to make the move actually happen. Just Google “apartment hunting in NYC” and you may get a slight idea of the process. You’re damn right I was scared! I was going all in on a gut feeling – transferring to a new office to live with two roommates in a city where I had no friends, a fear of the dating pool, and no yoga home or running buddies. Essentially, this place was devoid of all things comfortable for me despite all the things about it that I already enjoyed.

At the time, I didn’t know if it was the right move. I was taking a risk, waiting for my next hand to be dealt. I believe in living with intention, so I took a chance.

While on trial, Socrates expressed that “the life which is unexamined is not worth living.” I wholeheartedly agree. Forgive me if it’s harsh to share this, but I believe that it’s pure cowardice to believe in things just as they are in life, as if you have no personal control over the outcome of tomorrow. Thanks to Ayn Rand, my strong and amazing mother, and my insatiable appetite for independence and adventure, I have learned in life that nobody else in this world will bring me success and happiness, and that I am in pure control of (most) outcomes of my actions.

With great power comes great responsibility! At times it can be hard to turn our attention inward. Personally, I love making others happy and caring for loved ones and cherished friends. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that it’s okay to be our own caregivers, and that it’s more healthy than selfish.

New York has not only loved me back, but it has reminded me that the best relationships flourish when we take the time to check in with ourselves. Each of us needs to reflect and realign so that we can bring our best to the world, and New York unapologetically asks me to do so on a daily basis.

So, after almost 5 months in my new home, how do I know?

I just do. You see, it’s not a monumental thing – I don’t feel stronger or prettier or smarter. I just feel genuinely happy (in a way that words cannot express). This city has demonstrated itself as a perfect fit for my current hopes/goals/dreams, and without hesitation I can say that my life is right where it’s supposed to be at this moment.

There is no “how” to knowing this, it’s just something that your heart knows to be true. Suffice it to say I’m genuinely in love with my life for the first time in years, and to me that is more than enough proof.

An Open Love Letter

My dearest New York,

You are the big apple of my eye. From the moment we met, I knew you were going to be very important to me. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I must admit that spending so much time away from you recently has me longing for you like a drunk girl craves late night pizza slices or bodega sandwiches.

You are sweeter than the frosting of a Magnolia cupcake. When we are together, it feels more magical than a subway platform serenade. In all aspects, you truly bring the best of both worlds to our relationship, just like a black & white cookie. I ate one today and shed a tear because it just didn’t taste the same without you (yes, they exist outside of NYC).

I miss our walks through Central Park during “puppy hour,” and the ease at which we avoid Times Square when we are together. You bring out the best in me, and I am forever excited for our adventures and new experiences to come.

No combination of subway transfers, cockroaches, pigeons, or large rodents could keep my love for you at bay. I would climb 500 subway stairs, and then I would climb 500 more just to be with you right now. You are worth every extra penny because you are better than all of the others – there truly is no competition.

I can’t wait to see you next weekend.

With love and longing,

Your only Liz

Be Alone.

“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself. Wait for it. Please, I urge you to wait for it, to fight for it, to make an effort for it if you have already found it, because it is the most beautiful thing your heart will experience.” 

(link: How To Ruin Your Life (Without Noticing That You Are)) 

As I sit here and write today, I am alone. On top of being physically alone, I feel about as alone as humanly possible – I’m sick and stuck in my hotel room for the second day in a row. No need to elaborate or whine, but suffice it to say it hasn’t been a fun start to December. Even if I was at home in NYC, I could say the same thing. Sick or healthy, good day or bad day, it is almost unbelievable how alone one can feel at times in a city full of so many people.

The excerpt above moved me immediately upon reading it. In the past couple years, being alone has been a constant in my personal life – that’s just normal when you’re a single gal. One can only spend so much time with friends & family or on dates, and the rest of the time belongs solely to you. I think this is a scary concept for many, especially so for those of us who crave connection and love being around people.

I haven’t talked much about the fresh start I received when my 4-year relationship ended. To be honest, it’s just that I don’t think of that time in my life much at all anymore – it is in the past and I’ve grown from the life experience. At the time, although I had been feeling emotionally alone for many months, I still was rarely physically alone and that was the hardest adjustment (second to missing my dog).

I am one of those crazy extroverts (Aries ENFJ, for those of you who don’t know me) – I value my personal time but I prefer to prioritize spending time with others. I love connecting with people and sharing ideas, and hate the thought of idling too much. I frequently mix worlds and spend “me” time with others (e.g. reading a book while at a coffee shop, de-stressing at yoga in a room full of people, etc.). So, after a long day at work, you’d be more likely to find me catching up with a friend over cocktails or at a yoga class rather than coming home and watching 4 hours of TV. We do only get one life, after all.

After adjusting to “life alone” and embracing my new worldview, I’ve learned so much that is embodied in the excerpt above. I consider it cleansing to eat dinner by yourself on occasion, and I think it’s a life skill that each of us should learn to enjoy. I would argue that a personal date night is as important as girls/guys night – not just to treat yourself but also to take the opportunity to do something purely because you want to, without even considering it a non-option because you can’t find someone to go with. I believe that life inspiration happens even in the most subtle of moments, and to always go with your gut.

I do not believe in living life for anyone but yourself. It is only when you truly know yourself and how to best care for yourself that you can make choices that lead you to genuine happiness and fulfillment in life. Once we learn this and live it, we can better care for others in our lives. This may sound selfish at first, but I actually consider it to be more selfless if the utmost intention is to live to the fullest and love others.

The idea of being alone isn’t inherently fun. I would argue that the process of embracing being alone is one of the hardest things I’ve been through recently. Ask me if I’d take any of it back? The answer is an absolute no – I’m a better person, daughter, friend, and lover. I continue to learn more about myself every day, which helps me in even the most challenging situations.

Today, we should all do something for ourselves, by ourselves. Sometimes it’s the little things that mean the most – go for a walk, make yourself dinner (or take yourself out!), go to that new store to shop, read a book, have a glass of wine, visit a museum, ride your bike, the possibilities are endless!

Be alone, and don’t be afraid to enjoy it J

Being Buddha

“In the end, only three things matter:

how much you loved,
how gently you lived,

and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”

I have been trying to “be my own Buddha” but life has been making it quite the challenge! Taking a step back to realize how lucky we are to wake up and take a breath certainly isn’t always the first thought into our heads each morning.

When I reflect back on these situations that have stressed me out in the past few weeks, I realize that I’m fortunate to be fulfilling my daily needs in a city where many cannot do this for themselves and their families.

In the past few weeks, I have been trying to live this quote.

I have loved. I have let go of my inhibitions and I’ve been uplifted and rejected. Life goes on. No dwelling. You can’t change people, and have to let them go if they don’t treat you right. Moving on isn’t easy, but virtually nothing in life is comfortable. Whether friends or loved ones, sometimes letting go is the best way to reflect on what you want out of that role in your life. Onward and Upward! Be Buddha and let yourself love.

I have lived. Not always gently these past few weeks – turns out channeling grace under pressure is no joke. Lost luggage, delayed flights, inability to sleep, visits to urgent care, almost all out of my own control. Just keep on living, accepting, and helping with what you do have the power to control and let the rest go. Don’t forget to be kind to others, and take opportunities to “pay it forward” (these times present themselves more often than you think). Be Buddha and let yourself live.

I have struggled with letting go of things not meant for me, but am making strides. To my mother’s dismay, patience is a virtue that I’ve always lacked. I’m a firey spirit with big dreams, hopes, and ambitions coupled with being a complete product of my insta-generation – I want them all now. I’ve let go of a few personal situations, but as I sit here writing this I am impatiently awaiting an answer to another one of life’s situations.

I am writing this post to remind myself that good things come in time, nothing that’s ever “worth it” is easy, a watched pot never boils, et al. I tell myself to be thankful for what I’ve been blessed with today - It’s okay to dream for tomorrow, but not to the point where I am missing the beauty of the current day and all its moments. It’s a daily challenge for me, but I find comfort in the fact that this makes me human and knowing that many of you have the same struggles.

Friends, be Buddha…and always remember to breathe.


(and for you fact checkers, I'm aware of this and just ask you to relax and enjoy the post!)