Compared to What?

Back in college my favorite Finance professor incessantly asked us these three words as we responded to his problems and questions in class:

 “Compared to what?”

Each time this question was equally shocking yet expected when it touched my ear. I knew it was coming, but it still gave my brain that extra jolt and jitter without fail.


As a late-20-something, I think of these three words ALL OF THE TIME. In a city of so many people/endless options/constant stimulation I've discovered that they help to bring me back down to earth when my head is in the clouds.


We live in a world of comparison and I’ll admit that I am only human – I have these thoughts just like the rest of us. You know what I’m talking about. They begin with hearing others’ achievements, reading articles, watching TV, and simply observing in the world. Then they demonize and slide around in your mind whispering artificial timelines, negative self-talk, and unauthentic aspirations. These demons are personal, professional, and societal and they will drag us down if we let them.

- 27 is the peak running age for females

- Normal people get married by their thirties

- You need to bring home a certain salary by a certain age

- 14 is the optimal age by which to have learned a second language

- Single life is unfulfilling

- Women can’t possibly do (insert word/job title/task here)

If I even consider these thoughts as they relate to my own life, I completely fail them all. But compared to what? Are these even things that I want for myself at this point in time? And who else’s life would I even compare mine against? To my demons, I say:

- I don’t care if I’m 70 at the time – I will run Boston someday and THAT will be my peak running age

- I also don’t care what your version of “normal” is, - I haven’t met the right person and I love myself enough to decide not to marry the wrong one

- I am more concerned with the quality of life my job offers – the money will come someday if I am truly passionate about my work

- It’s too bad that I’m “old” by your standards – It's never too late by my own standards. I will become fluent in multiple languages in my lifetime and I am dedicated to putting the time in to achieve this

- I don’t consider myself to have an unfulfilled life or perspective. In fact, being single has propelled me to experience many life-altering dating epiphanies over the past year that have helped me to feel wiser and MORE fulfilled

- I can do anything I set my mind to, absent of gender (except bench more than my weight– that’s a no go)

Negativity and comparison creep in like fog covering the ground of our minds. Thankfully, all we need is a little mindfulness, reflection, and a change in perspective. Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the death of joy.” I choose joy. I know what I want and that, even if I don’t know when I want it, I can trust that things will fall into place with some hard work and a little faith.

So next time you find yourself angry or upset by one such demon, ask yourself the three magic words that Mario gifted to me. Choose joy. Change your frame of reference and remind yourself that you are a beautiful soul without anyone’s constraints (even your own). You are always enough, and you do not need anyone else’s version of your life story fogging up those rose-colored glasses!!!