I’ve hit a brick wall. On a scale of pleasant to dreadful, my running has been off the charts bad. I hate judging it this way, but the pure fact stands out that I know how good my running can feel and have consistently experienced quite the opposite lately. It defeats me.
So, I’ve shoved it into a distant corner to collect dust. What a way to deal with life, huh?
And truly, what does that say about me in this moment? In almost seven years, this is the first six-month stretch of suffering. In all of my running, 93% of the time it has been wonderful. If I can run a marathon, why can’t I push through this 7%?
Being human in this life experience is a bitch sometimes.
If I know one thing in life, I know myself. I am fearless, resilient, hopeful, and always ready for a challenge. Perhaps it’s the altitude, the move, being out of shape, or another excuse? These things have never stopped me in the past. I am a runner, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to continue to let this experience dim what has been such a light in my life.
I’m angry. Hurt. Sad. Ashamed at how much I’ve avoided this and shoved it away. But I am ready to forgive myself and move on.
I’m ripping the band-aid off at a half marathon tomorrow for which I’m desperately undertrained, but you had better believe I’m going to do it with a marathoner’s mindset and a smile.
It’s okay to really dig into the bad parts, to experience them fully and just feel. Without them we would have no basis to appreciate the amazing moments that life brings.
So truly, what does that say about me in this moment?
No comments:
Post a Comment