Be Alone.

“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself. Wait for it. Please, I urge you to wait for it, to fight for it, to make an effort for it if you have already found it, because it is the most beautiful thing your heart will experience.” 

(link: How To Ruin Your Life (Without Noticing That You Are)) 

As I sit here and write today, I am alone. On top of being physically alone, I feel about as alone as humanly possible – I’m sick and stuck in my hotel room for the second day in a row. No need to elaborate or whine, but suffice it to say it hasn’t been a fun start to December. Even if I was at home in NYC, I could say the same thing. Sick or healthy, good day or bad day, it is almost unbelievable how alone one can feel at times in a city full of so many people.

The excerpt above moved me immediately upon reading it. In the past couple years, being alone has been a constant in my personal life – that’s just normal when you’re a single gal. One can only spend so much time with friends & family or on dates, and the rest of the time belongs solely to you. I think this is a scary concept for many, especially so for those of us who crave connection and love being around people.

I haven’t talked much about the fresh start I received when my 4-year relationship ended. To be honest, it’s just that I don’t think of that time in my life much at all anymore – it is in the past and I’ve grown from the life experience. At the time, although I had been feeling emotionally alone for many months, I still was rarely physically alone and that was the hardest adjustment (second to missing my dog).

I am one of those crazy extroverts (Aries ENFJ, for those of you who don’t know me) – I value my personal time but I prefer to prioritize spending time with others. I love connecting with people and sharing ideas, and hate the thought of idling too much. I frequently mix worlds and spend “me” time with others (e.g. reading a book while at a coffee shop, de-stressing at yoga in a room full of people, etc.). So, after a long day at work, you’d be more likely to find me catching up with a friend over cocktails or at a yoga class rather than coming home and watching 4 hours of TV. We do only get one life, after all.

After adjusting to “life alone” and embracing my new worldview, I’ve learned so much that is embodied in the excerpt above. I consider it cleansing to eat dinner by yourself on occasion, and I think it’s a life skill that each of us should learn to enjoy. I would argue that a personal date night is as important as girls/guys night – not just to treat yourself but also to take the opportunity to do something purely because you want to, without even considering it a non-option because you can’t find someone to go with. I believe that life inspiration happens even in the most subtle of moments, and to always go with your gut.

I do not believe in living life for anyone but yourself. It is only when you truly know yourself and how to best care for yourself that you can make choices that lead you to genuine happiness and fulfillment in life. Once we learn this and live it, we can better care for others in our lives. This may sound selfish at first, but I actually consider it to be more selfless if the utmost intention is to live to the fullest and love others.

The idea of being alone isn’t inherently fun. I would argue that the process of embracing being alone is one of the hardest things I’ve been through recently. Ask me if I’d take any of it back? The answer is an absolute no – I’m a better person, daughter, friend, and lover. I continue to learn more about myself every day, which helps me in even the most challenging situations.

Today, we should all do something for ourselves, by ourselves. Sometimes it’s the little things that mean the most – go for a walk, make yourself dinner (or take yourself out!), go to that new store to shop, read a book, have a glass of wine, visit a museum, ride your bike, the possibilities are endless!

Be alone, and don’t be afraid to enjoy it J