Not Meant for Me.

“Grace under pressure” is one of my favorite life mantras (thanks, Hemingway). 

It is so applicable to many of life’s interactions and I typically don’t choose to reserve it solely for situations of extreme stress. This week I avoided remembering my mantra in a time of need. Tsk tsk – it took me a few days to finally make peace with it but I'm still left wanting my wasted energy back. Ahh, being human.

Tuesday.

7am, getting ready. Checked NYRR site, it says they’ll charge my card before it shows up in my account. Will be notified by 11:59. That’s noon, right? NYRR account notes I’m still in the drawing, no decision. Checked banking, money still there.

9am, at work. Not sure how I made it two hours but time to check again. Still in drawing, money still in bank.

9:30am, maybe now? Still in drawing, money still in bank.

10am, finished a task, time to look. Still in drawing, money still in bank.

11am, NO CHANGE! Still in drawing, money still in bank. :::sigh:::

12:30pm, Nope.

Lather, rinse, repeat at LEAST 10 more times until I give up and stop checking. I finish my work day and head to dinner. Distracted and feeling under the weather that eve, I climb into bed to relax and open my computer.

7:48pm, there it is – the ominously titled email “Your 2015 TCS New York City Marathon Status.”

I didn’t get in. No luck for me in the lottery this year. Again. Strike two. It appears that I’m still on track to run the boroughs in 2017.

When I look at this list I just see ENERGY. I was checking two websites at a time, almost hourly. I’m left wishing that I would have exercised a bit more perspective and spent less time chasing this dream that day. So many other dreams to chase!

When I want something, I throw myself into it. The idea of running this race is very clearly inspiring and meaningful to me but this particular display of energy/excitement/anticipation could have been channeled into something else equally as motivating.

Grace under pressure wouldn’t have wasted her day checking websites for news she had no control over. She would have been entirely too busy making moves in pursuit of her other goals and life passions. When her email came, she wouldn’t have batted an eyelash. She would have called upon that true Cleveland sports fan spirit (“there’s always next year”) to move on to the next order of the day. She would have embraced the fake Buddha quote that you already know I love and realized it wasn't meant for her, not this time. 

I must not forget to be Grace.

And, considering the adventures I have on deck for this year and next, waiting until 2017 sounds just fine to me ;)