How Do You Know?

(As you all know) I enjoy talking about my love for NYC. Since I first announced my plans to migrate, almost every person I’ve engaged with has asked me to evaluate my move within our conversation.

Initially most close friends and relatives were not surprised. They knew of my love affair with the city, and most of them guessed that I would easily adapt to such a vibrant, bustling place because many had lovingly dubbed me as “the busiest person they know.” But naturally, the question arose:

 “How do you know that this is the right move for you? Are you scared? Won’t you miss home?”

To be honest, the only thing that kept me from overanalyzing the nagging fear of making a crazy decision was the ridiculous amount of preparation required to make the move actually happen. Just Google “apartment hunting in NYC” and you may get a slight idea of the process. You’re damn right I was scared! I was going all in on a gut feeling – transferring to a new office to live with two roommates in a city where I had no friends, a fear of the dating pool, and no yoga home or running buddies. Essentially, this place was devoid of all things comfortable for me despite all the things about it that I already enjoyed.

At the time, I didn’t know if it was the right move. I was taking a risk, waiting for my next hand to be dealt. I believe in living with intention, so I took a chance.

While on trial, Socrates expressed that “the life which is unexamined is not worth living.” I wholeheartedly agree. Forgive me if it’s harsh to share this, but I believe that it’s pure cowardice to believe in things just as they are in life, as if you have no personal control over the outcome of tomorrow. Thanks to Ayn Rand, my strong and amazing mother, and my insatiable appetite for independence and adventure, I have learned in life that nobody else in this world will bring me success and happiness, and that I am in pure control of (most) outcomes of my actions.

With great power comes great responsibility! At times it can be hard to turn our attention inward. Personally, I love making others happy and caring for loved ones and cherished friends. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that it’s okay to be our own caregivers, and that it’s more healthy than selfish.

New York has not only loved me back, but it has reminded me that the best relationships flourish when we take the time to check in with ourselves. Each of us needs to reflect and realign so that we can bring our best to the world, and New York unapologetically asks me to do so on a daily basis.

So, after almost 5 months in my new home, how do I know?

I just do. You see, it’s not a monumental thing – I don’t feel stronger or prettier or smarter. I just feel genuinely happy (in a way that words cannot express). This city has demonstrated itself as a perfect fit for my current hopes/goals/dreams, and without hesitation I can say that my life is right where it’s supposed to be at this moment.

There is no “how” to knowing this, it’s just something that your heart knows to be true. Suffice it to say I’m genuinely in love with my life for the first time in years, and to me that is more than enough proof.

An Open Love Letter

My dearest New York,

You are the big apple of my eye. From the moment we met, I knew you were going to be very important to me. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I must admit that spending so much time away from you recently has me longing for you like a drunk girl craves late night pizza slices or bodega sandwiches.

You are sweeter than the frosting of a Magnolia cupcake. When we are together, it feels more magical than a subway platform serenade. In all aspects, you truly bring the best of both worlds to our relationship, just like a black & white cookie. I ate one today and shed a tear because it just didn’t taste the same without you (yes, they exist outside of NYC).

I miss our walks through Central Park during “puppy hour,” and the ease at which we avoid Times Square when we are together. You bring out the best in me, and I am forever excited for our adventures and new experiences to come.

No combination of subway transfers, cockroaches, pigeons, or large rodents could keep my love for you at bay. I would climb 500 subway stairs, and then I would climb 500 more just to be with you right now. You are worth every extra penny because you are better than all of the others – there truly is no competition.

I can’t wait to see you next weekend.

With love and longing,

Your only Liz

Be Alone.

“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself. Wait for it. Please, I urge you to wait for it, to fight for it, to make an effort for it if you have already found it, because it is the most beautiful thing your heart will experience.” 

(link: How To Ruin Your Life (Without Noticing That You Are)) 

As I sit here and write today, I am alone. On top of being physically alone, I feel about as alone as humanly possible – I’m sick and stuck in my hotel room for the second day in a row. No need to elaborate or whine, but suffice it to say it hasn’t been a fun start to December. Even if I was at home in NYC, I could say the same thing. Sick or healthy, good day or bad day, it is almost unbelievable how alone one can feel at times in a city full of so many people.

The excerpt above moved me immediately upon reading it. In the past couple years, being alone has been a constant in my personal life – that’s just normal when you’re a single gal. One can only spend so much time with friends & family or on dates, and the rest of the time belongs solely to you. I think this is a scary concept for many, especially so for those of us who crave connection and love being around people.

I haven’t talked much about the fresh start I received when my 4-year relationship ended. To be honest, it’s just that I don’t think of that time in my life much at all anymore – it is in the past and I’ve grown from the life experience. At the time, although I had been feeling emotionally alone for many months, I still was rarely physically alone and that was the hardest adjustment (second to missing my dog).

I am one of those crazy extroverts (Aries ENFJ, for those of you who don’t know me) – I value my personal time but I prefer to prioritize spending time with others. I love connecting with people and sharing ideas, and hate the thought of idling too much. I frequently mix worlds and spend “me” time with others (e.g. reading a book while at a coffee shop, de-stressing at yoga in a room full of people, etc.). So, after a long day at work, you’d be more likely to find me catching up with a friend over cocktails or at a yoga class rather than coming home and watching 4 hours of TV. We do only get one life, after all.

After adjusting to “life alone” and embracing my new worldview, I’ve learned so much that is embodied in the excerpt above. I consider it cleansing to eat dinner by yourself on occasion, and I think it’s a life skill that each of us should learn to enjoy. I would argue that a personal date night is as important as girls/guys night – not just to treat yourself but also to take the opportunity to do something purely because you want to, without even considering it a non-option because you can’t find someone to go with. I believe that life inspiration happens even in the most subtle of moments, and to always go with your gut.

I do not believe in living life for anyone but yourself. It is only when you truly know yourself and how to best care for yourself that you can make choices that lead you to genuine happiness and fulfillment in life. Once we learn this and live it, we can better care for others in our lives. This may sound selfish at first, but I actually consider it to be more selfless if the utmost intention is to live to the fullest and love others.

The idea of being alone isn’t inherently fun. I would argue that the process of embracing being alone is one of the hardest things I’ve been through recently. Ask me if I’d take any of it back? The answer is an absolute no – I’m a better person, daughter, friend, and lover. I continue to learn more about myself every day, which helps me in even the most challenging situations.

Today, we should all do something for ourselves, by ourselves. Sometimes it’s the little things that mean the most – go for a walk, make yourself dinner (or take yourself out!), go to that new store to shop, read a book, have a glass of wine, visit a museum, ride your bike, the possibilities are endless!

Be alone, and don’t be afraid to enjoy it J