How Do You Know?

(As you all know) I enjoy talking about my love for NYC. Since I first announced my plans to migrate, almost every person I’ve engaged with has asked me to evaluate my move within our conversation.

Initially most close friends and relatives were not surprised. They knew of my love affair with the city, and most of them guessed that I would easily adapt to such a vibrant, bustling place because many had lovingly dubbed me as “the busiest person they know.” But naturally, the question arose:

 “How do you know that this is the right move for you? Are you scared? Won’t you miss home?”

To be honest, the only thing that kept me from overanalyzing the nagging fear of making a crazy decision was the ridiculous amount of preparation required to make the move actually happen. Just Google “apartment hunting in NYC” and you may get a slight idea of the process. You’re damn right I was scared! I was going all in on a gut feeling – transferring to a new office to live with two roommates in a city where I had no friends, a fear of the dating pool, and no yoga home or running buddies. Essentially, this place was devoid of all things comfortable for me despite all the things about it that I already enjoyed.

At the time, I didn’t know if it was the right move. I was taking a risk, waiting for my next hand to be dealt. I believe in living with intention, so I took a chance.

While on trial, Socrates expressed that “the life which is unexamined is not worth living.” I wholeheartedly agree. Forgive me if it’s harsh to share this, but I believe that it’s pure cowardice to believe in things just as they are in life, as if you have no personal control over the outcome of tomorrow. Thanks to Ayn Rand, my strong and amazing mother, and my insatiable appetite for independence and adventure, I have learned in life that nobody else in this world will bring me success and happiness, and that I am in pure control of (most) outcomes of my actions.

With great power comes great responsibility! At times it can be hard to turn our attention inward. Personally, I love making others happy and caring for loved ones and cherished friends. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that it’s okay to be our own caregivers, and that it’s more healthy than selfish.

New York has not only loved me back, but it has reminded me that the best relationships flourish when we take the time to check in with ourselves. Each of us needs to reflect and realign so that we can bring our best to the world, and New York unapologetically asks me to do so on a daily basis.

So, after almost 5 months in my new home, how do I know?

I just do. You see, it’s not a monumental thing – I don’t feel stronger or prettier or smarter. I just feel genuinely happy (in a way that words cannot express). This city has demonstrated itself as a perfect fit for my current hopes/goals/dreams, and without hesitation I can say that my life is right where it’s supposed to be at this moment.

There is no “how” to knowing this, it’s just something that your heart knows to be true. Suffice it to say I’m genuinely in love with my life for the first time in years, and to me that is more than enough proof.

An Open Love Letter

My dearest New York,

You are the big apple of my eye. From the moment we met, I knew you were going to be very important to me. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I must admit that spending so much time away from you recently has me longing for you like a drunk girl craves late night pizza slices or bodega sandwiches.

You are sweeter than the frosting of a Magnolia cupcake. When we are together, it feels more magical than a subway platform serenade. In all aspects, you truly bring the best of both worlds to our relationship, just like a black & white cookie. I ate one today and shed a tear because it just didn’t taste the same without you (yes, they exist outside of NYC).

I miss our walks through Central Park during “puppy hour,” and the ease at which we avoid Times Square when we are together. You bring out the best in me, and I am forever excited for our adventures and new experiences to come.

No combination of subway transfers, cockroaches, pigeons, or large rodents could keep my love for you at bay. I would climb 500 subway stairs, and then I would climb 500 more just to be with you right now. You are worth every extra penny because you are better than all of the others – there truly is no competition.

I can’t wait to see you next weekend.

With love and longing,

Your only Liz

Be Alone.

“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself. Wait for it. Please, I urge you to wait for it, to fight for it, to make an effort for it if you have already found it, because it is the most beautiful thing your heart will experience.” 

(link: How To Ruin Your Life (Without Noticing That You Are)) 

As I sit here and write today, I am alone. On top of being physically alone, I feel about as alone as humanly possible – I’m sick and stuck in my hotel room for the second day in a row. No need to elaborate or whine, but suffice it to say it hasn’t been a fun start to December. Even if I was at home in NYC, I could say the same thing. Sick or healthy, good day or bad day, it is almost unbelievable how alone one can feel at times in a city full of so many people.

The excerpt above moved me immediately upon reading it. In the past couple years, being alone has been a constant in my personal life – that’s just normal when you’re a single gal. One can only spend so much time with friends & family or on dates, and the rest of the time belongs solely to you. I think this is a scary concept for many, especially so for those of us who crave connection and love being around people.

I haven’t talked much about the fresh start I received when my 4-year relationship ended. To be honest, it’s just that I don’t think of that time in my life much at all anymore – it is in the past and I’ve grown from the life experience. At the time, although I had been feeling emotionally alone for many months, I still was rarely physically alone and that was the hardest adjustment (second to missing my dog).

I am one of those crazy extroverts (Aries ENFJ, for those of you who don’t know me) – I value my personal time but I prefer to prioritize spending time with others. I love connecting with people and sharing ideas, and hate the thought of idling too much. I frequently mix worlds and spend “me” time with others (e.g. reading a book while at a coffee shop, de-stressing at yoga in a room full of people, etc.). So, after a long day at work, you’d be more likely to find me catching up with a friend over cocktails or at a yoga class rather than coming home and watching 4 hours of TV. We do only get one life, after all.

After adjusting to “life alone” and embracing my new worldview, I’ve learned so much that is embodied in the excerpt above. I consider it cleansing to eat dinner by yourself on occasion, and I think it’s a life skill that each of us should learn to enjoy. I would argue that a personal date night is as important as girls/guys night – not just to treat yourself but also to take the opportunity to do something purely because you want to, without even considering it a non-option because you can’t find someone to go with. I believe that life inspiration happens even in the most subtle of moments, and to always go with your gut.

I do not believe in living life for anyone but yourself. It is only when you truly know yourself and how to best care for yourself that you can make choices that lead you to genuine happiness and fulfillment in life. Once we learn this and live it, we can better care for others in our lives. This may sound selfish at first, but I actually consider it to be more selfless if the utmost intention is to live to the fullest and love others.

The idea of being alone isn’t inherently fun. I would argue that the process of embracing being alone is one of the hardest things I’ve been through recently. Ask me if I’d take any of it back? The answer is an absolute no – I’m a better person, daughter, friend, and lover. I continue to learn more about myself every day, which helps me in even the most challenging situations.

Today, we should all do something for ourselves, by ourselves. Sometimes it’s the little things that mean the most – go for a walk, make yourself dinner (or take yourself out!), go to that new store to shop, read a book, have a glass of wine, visit a museum, ride your bike, the possibilities are endless!

Be alone, and don’t be afraid to enjoy it J

Being Buddha

“In the end, only three things matter:

how much you loved,
how gently you lived,

and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”

I have been trying to “be my own Buddha” but life has been making it quite the challenge! Taking a step back to realize how lucky we are to wake up and take a breath certainly isn’t always the first thought into our heads each morning.

When I reflect back on these situations that have stressed me out in the past few weeks, I realize that I’m fortunate to be fulfilling my daily needs in a city where many cannot do this for themselves and their families.

In the past few weeks, I have been trying to live this quote.

I have loved. I have let go of my inhibitions and I’ve been uplifted and rejected. Life goes on. No dwelling. You can’t change people, and have to let them go if they don’t treat you right. Moving on isn’t easy, but virtually nothing in life is comfortable. Whether friends or loved ones, sometimes letting go is the best way to reflect on what you want out of that role in your life. Onward and Upward! Be Buddha and let yourself love.

I have lived. Not always gently these past few weeks – turns out channeling grace under pressure is no joke. Lost luggage, delayed flights, inability to sleep, visits to urgent care, almost all out of my own control. Just keep on living, accepting, and helping with what you do have the power to control and let the rest go. Don’t forget to be kind to others, and take opportunities to “pay it forward” (these times present themselves more often than you think). Be Buddha and let yourself live.

I have struggled with letting go of things not meant for me, but am making strides. To my mother’s dismay, patience is a virtue that I’ve always lacked. I’m a firey spirit with big dreams, hopes, and ambitions coupled with being a complete product of my insta-generation – I want them all now. I’ve let go of a few personal situations, but as I sit here writing this I am impatiently awaiting an answer to another one of life’s situations.

I am writing this post to remind myself that good things come in time, nothing that’s ever “worth it” is easy, a watched pot never boils, et al. I tell myself to be thankful for what I’ve been blessed with today - It’s okay to dream for tomorrow, but not to the point where I am missing the beauty of the current day and all its moments. It’s a daily challenge for me, but I find comfort in the fact that this makes me human and knowing that many of you have the same struggles.

Friends, be Buddha…and always remember to breathe.


(and for you fact checkers, I'm aware of this and just ask you to relax and enjoy the post!)

American Girl

Raised on promises. Can’t help but think that there are lots of places to run to…

I’m spending the week working in San Francisco, and I’m getting antsy. I haven’t even had much of a chance to explore, but I’ll be leaving a piece of my heart in this city – so charming, so easy, so free. My bubble of life here has been incredibly chill despite dealing with the terror of lost luggage for a day, and that’s a large hurdle to overcome.

They say that you know when you need to get out of New York City. For me, that time was now. So many highs and lows in the past two weeks! Almost too much for a girl to bear, but I will tread onward and upward. Life, love, and the pursuit of happiness are never easy but those small pockets of pure joy they bring are certainly worth the struggle.

In a way, recognizing that desire to flee NYC brings me closer to my new city. We know each other more intimately now, and can accept and act on that need to spend time apart. That being said, I can’t lie and say that I’m not questioning myself a bit in a city like this. I can see myself here - palm trees and the ocean have always soothed my soul, and the west coast has welcomed me with open arms.

Where do I belong? I’m not sure if I’ll ever know, and I think I’m okay with this being a life-long rhetorical question. I’d move anywhere for the right person, the right job, or the right reason and I truly believe that I’m a citizen of the world.

“Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst, and then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold on to it and it flows through me like rain and I can feel nothing but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid, little life.”

I remind myself that these questions are normal. They are totally healthy and a necessity for one who wishes to live each day to the fullest – if we don’t ask them, how will we make the most of tomorrow?

Travel far and travel often. Explore. Adventure. Smile. Talk to strangers. Live it up because we are not guaranteed tomorrow. And, ask yourself the hard questions – I hear they will lead you to your perfect future.

…take it easy, babe – it’s a great big world, and it’s all yours.

Get Grounded.

No matter how crazy your day/week/life is getting, it will improve.

This week my horoscope read that I have “had my hands in more pots than a celebrity chef lately” – incredibly prophetic considering this week’s late nights & long meetings at work, CPA studying, surprise back pain, insomnia, homesickness, and a few important phone calls were all set to end with 8 days of travel.

I have rarely in my life had such a stressful week, but it was ending on a plane and that was something to be thankful for.

Two places exist off my yoga mat that can instantly improve my mood, center my state of mind, and feed my soul – an airplane & the beach. Without fail, as long as I’m not exhausted and sleeping, each time I board an airplane, I get giddy for that takeoff feeling (my favorite part, since age 5). I am fortunate to have discovered a love for air travel at an early age, and I look forward to it almost as much as my destination each trip because I know that a stroke of productivity or personal genius is eminent.

Often my airplane ideas are lofty goals, to do lists, or skeletons of business plans. For some reason, I am at my personal best in thought at 30,000 feet in the air. Call me crazy, nerdy, or complex but I wouldn’t give it up – especially not after a week like this past one.

Precisely what I needed to end the week was a 5 hour flight to clear my head, re-energize my goals, own the junk in my life, and get back on track to living my life exactly how I’d like it. On the flight I worked a little, immersed myself in fall fashion magazines, sipped on coconut water…and made my 2015 bucket/goals/resolutions list.

I am ahead of the game, feeling inspired, and my mom was waiting for me at baggage claim with a bear hug. How could my week have possibly ended any better?!

I am blessed and thankful. Hope you had a phenomenal weekend as well! 

The City is my...Man Friend??

"If you can only have one great love, then the city just may be mine. And I don't want nobody talkin' shit about my boyfriend." 

- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Ahh, dating! That delicate balance of extreme highs, lows, vulnerability, elusiveness, and confusion with which I have a love-hate relationship. 

Based on this assessment and my general experiences living here over the past six weeks, I am dating NYC. We are still grabbing drinks, “feeling each other out” and trying to decide if we may be able to stand each other’s company for a year or so (the dating equivalent of a 2 hour dinner, which is apparently a milestone here in NYC dating life).

So, at this point, the city is what my girlfriends would call my “man friend” – not quite boyfriend status because I haven’t figured out if or how I think he fits into my life yet.

As cities go, I’ve fallen in love before. First I fell in love with what I knew of Phoenix as a child visiting family. Then I fell in love with Chicago over seven years ago and can’t exactly explain to you why I didn’t actually choose to move there this year. And I fell in love with Cleveland slowly yet all at once, as it took me almost all of my adult life to realize how amazing it truly was. That being said, I’m not sure I belong there anymore.

I’m also not convinced that I belong here forever. It’s hard to decipher these matters of the heart. I’m not settling down yet, but when I do I want it to be in a city that has great parks and bikesharing for my active spirit, one that is big enough to support good public transportation (sorry CLE), has water views, boasts a great yoga presence, pleases my foodie palate with walkable celebrity chef restaurants & local markets, one whose residents eat/sleep/breathe its sports teams, and ultimately one where I feel at home enough to want to raise a family there and never leave.

Uncharacteristically, I have decided to give NYC an ultimatum of one year to dazzle me in dating (but since he’s my “man friend,” he doesn’t exactly know this). One year of exploring, adventuring, and getting to know the heart of this city while he shows me the delicate depths of his soul in those rare but spectacular moments of discovery.

If he isn’t for me, I’ve certainly learned that it’s not worth sticking around to force it and I refuse to do so. So, get ready for plenty of NYC bucket list-worthy experiences from now to June 2015.

And for now while I feel this thing out and decide if NYC is my one great love, I don't want nobody talkin' shit about my “man friend” until I make that decision for myself. 

"Let us feed you."

I am homesick.

Never before have 4 words struck me and comforted me like they did today, so I wanted to take a minute to share the moment with you along with a little background as to why I was so touched.

It’s my second month in NYC. I’ll leave out the gritty details in an effort not to bore you, and I will just summarize life right now as “I have a lot going on.” I miss my family, my dear friends & their families, and I will say that it is hardest when I am having fun here and wishing I could share it with you all in person.

Last weekend was nothing short of amazing and relaxing for me, and the week that followed was not much short of pure hellacious stress (including a very hungover Friday due to an aggressive work function involving wine). I also injured my back in yoga and I hadn’t been as active as usual. Basically, I was arguably more ready for the weekend than anyone in Manhattan.

I was also sick of complaining to myself and wallowing all week. I’m an optimist and a full believer in life’s truth that we all make our own happiness and shouldn’t rely on anyone else to create it for us. I decided that Saturday would be my day and that I would take back my week by doing everything I want today.

For those of you who are getting to know me, my perfect Saturday is a well-rested day that involves a majority of the following, plus anything else fun:

- morning long run and/or yoga class

- breakfast & coffee (preferably on a porch, terrace, or patio)

- trip to the farmers’ market (involving more coffee)

- something girly (shopping, reading a magazine, doing my nails, buying flowers, etc.)

- quality time with friends, family, and/or my significant other

- cooking something (typically from the farmers’ market)

- wine (the most obvious weekend necessity)

I had not yet been to one of NYC’s greenmarkets so I resolved that this would be the day. It was a little rainy, but I headed out to explore at Union Square. I was in a sea of heirloom tomatoes, root vegetables, fresh flowers, local proteins, fresh herbs, and simply in my happy place. I love wandering a farmers’ market to take in the atmosphere and feel the passion that brings the offerings. I am usually excited, overwhelmed, and indecisive as to what to buy, and today was absolutely no exception.

I was drawn to Berried Treasures Farm’s stall for some beautiful cherry tomatoes that were unexpectedly inexpensive. The sign urged us to taste a tomato, which I know now is Franca Tantillo’s passion – this article quotes her as follows, “I just want you to taste one," she implores her customers. "That's my big thing. I want everybody to taste everything. Tasting is believing." 

As I was checking out with my tomatoes, she asked me if my flowers were Dahlias. I explained that they were, and that they were one of my favorites. She mentioned that the local crop hadn’t been great due to the rain this year, and in that single comment I better appreciated my flowers and understood her pure passion for her work. I casually mentioned that I felt deserving of them today to brighten my apartment as I had just moved here, and thanked her for the tomatoes.

As I walked away she called me back over – asking me if I was homesick while she grabbed a bag, she said “let’s get you some beans” and began to stuff haricots, favas, and wax beans into a bag for me. I was in mild shock at her kindness while simultaneously wondering how I could show my appreciation. She handed me the bag – due to emotion I can’t recall her exact words before the last four. She welcomed me to the city, understood my homesickness, and simply said, “Let us feed you.”

One moment. One exchange. One act of kindness to a stranger. This is yet one more example of how NYC can feel like home in such a vast space as Union Square. All the homesickness I'm experiencing and the stress of the week became insignificant to me - this was more than I needed to turn my day around and put things into perspective.

So please drop everything you think you know about NYC and its people. I am forming my own perceptions of New Yorkers on a daily basis as I become one, and I can tell you that countless cab drivers, baristas, and strangers on the subway have proven to break every single stereotype I’ve ever heard.

I look forward to frequenting the greenmarket to visit Franca, and especially to returning her kindness someday with an offering from my home. Be open, be kind, eat local, and never underestimate the impact of simple kindness on a person’s day or life.

Offerings from Berried Treasures

What is Home?

Home is where the heart is…

Home is wherever I’m with you…

Home is not a place, it’s a feeling…

Home is the nicest word there is…

Home is where our story begins…

Truly, what is home? I found myself in a contemplative state on the train from Newark to Penn Station, returning to the city after a weekend away.

(sidenote: If you ever visit NYC and fly into EWR, don’t be this adventurous. It’s not terrible, but it’s uncomfortable and time consuming. Just fork up the dollars and Uber - take the advice from the girl who “had to try it once”)

I’ve heard many New Yorkers mention the cleansing impact of leaving the city for a weekend, which I’m sure is partly why so many escape to the beach on summer weekends. I had an enticing trip booked, but I honestly can’t say that I felt the need to leave yet. I’ve certainly felt overwhelmed here at times, but I truly am making a home of within the City of Dreams.

Home, that word. In the past 2 years I have lived at 5 addresses for periods of time. I have lived out of suitcases. I have sold most of my belongings to move cross country. And I have shed quite the perception of what I always felt home was. To me then, it was tangible things and being near family & friends. To me now, it is relationships, memories, and anticipation.

My new relationships here are still forming, but my old relationships are stronger than ever. I miss family and friends daily, but since the move I have grown so close to some that are so far away. From OH to LA to AZ to NC to FL, I have dear relatives and friends to call at any hour of the day to share a laugh or cry, and I personally can’t put a value on that. My relationships create my home.

My memories help me to cultivate awareness and appreciation for the present moment. They’re stowed in my heart, framed on my wall, displayed in my Instagram feed, and constantly on my mind. They help me to feel at home wherever I am, and challenge me to realize that I don’t need physical things to represent what I love and where I find comfort. In the right moment, home is: my apartment / the subway / Central Park / Cleveland, Chardon, Phoenix, Tucson / on a plane / etc. My memories create my home.

Anticipation feeds my soul in so many ways – it pushes me to be happier, more optimistic, caring, introspective, goal-oriented, humble, and to appreciate my struggles as teachers. It brings me back down to earth when I need it to in such a simple manner of forcing me to realize that wherever I am, in that moment, all is right on track but the future is oh so exciting! Anticipation creates my home.

This all may not resonate immediately, but think about it for a second as it relates to you. Personally, I find no better way to appreciate the present than to dream about the future, just as young newlyweds & homeowners dream of filling their lives & homes with children, pets, and holiday guests. This is the pure fusion of relationships, memories, & anticipation. 

To me, home is no longer tangible. It is relationships, memories, and anticipation blended with the heat of the subway, the breeze off the Hudson, the bright beacon of Times Square, the serenity of Central Park, the solemn monuments to soldiers past, and the feelings I have while I experience them all.

Perhaps this is just a phase. Perhaps I will feel differently when I settle down someday to create a lifetime home with that one person. For now, rather than over-analyze it, I vow to appreciate my home in this moment and be thankful that I have such a special one.

All I know right now is…there’s no place like home, and I’m beyond excited to continue to build mine.

My Month in Manhattan

So much can happen in 31 days, especially in the hustle and bustle of the greatest city in the world. Today marks the end of my first month as a resident of Manhattan and it’s hard to believe that this day has arrived. Or is it, considering I live in the city that never sleeps?

I’ve experienced ups and downs, mostly relating to the stairs down to the subway and up to my 5^th floor walk-up.

I’ve embraced the unusual - my favorite occasion so far was listening to the soft melodies of the piano man in Washington Square Park.

I’ve learned that love is to be shared and moments are to be enjoyed, taught best by the hand holders and bench-sitters all over the city.

I’ve felt a range of emotions from impenetrable loneliness to complete bliss, and I’ve been continuously humbled by so many aspects of life here.

And mostly I’ve found countless relatable, “small-town” aspects of my day-to-day life in this endless concrete jungle. A wise man once said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Welcome to my life as a New Yorker.