American Girl

Raised on promises. Can’t help but think that there are lots of places to run to…

I’m spending the week working in San Francisco, and I’m getting antsy. I haven’t even had much of a chance to explore, but I’ll be leaving a piece of my heart in this city – so charming, so easy, so free. My bubble of life here has been incredibly chill despite dealing with the terror of lost luggage for a day, and that’s a large hurdle to overcome.

They say that you know when you need to get out of New York City. For me, that time was now. So many highs and lows in the past two weeks! Almost too much for a girl to bear, but I will tread onward and upward. Life, love, and the pursuit of happiness are never easy but those small pockets of pure joy they bring are certainly worth the struggle.

In a way, recognizing that desire to flee NYC brings me closer to my new city. We know each other more intimately now, and can accept and act on that need to spend time apart. That being said, I can’t lie and say that I’m not questioning myself a bit in a city like this. I can see myself here - palm trees and the ocean have always soothed my soul, and the west coast has welcomed me with open arms.

Where do I belong? I’m not sure if I’ll ever know, and I think I’m okay with this being a life-long rhetorical question. I’d move anywhere for the right person, the right job, or the right reason and I truly believe that I’m a citizen of the world.

“Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst, and then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold on to it and it flows through me like rain and I can feel nothing but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid, little life.”

I remind myself that these questions are normal. They are totally healthy and a necessity for one who wishes to live each day to the fullest – if we don’t ask them, how will we make the most of tomorrow?

Travel far and travel often. Explore. Adventure. Smile. Talk to strangers. Live it up because we are not guaranteed tomorrow. And, ask yourself the hard questions – I hear they will lead you to your perfect future.

…take it easy, babe – it’s a great big world, and it’s all yours.

Get Grounded.

No matter how crazy your day/week/life is getting, it will improve.

This week my horoscope read that I have “had my hands in more pots than a celebrity chef lately” – incredibly prophetic considering this week’s late nights & long meetings at work, CPA studying, surprise back pain, insomnia, homesickness, and a few important phone calls were all set to end with 8 days of travel.

I have rarely in my life had such a stressful week, but it was ending on a plane and that was something to be thankful for.

Two places exist off my yoga mat that can instantly improve my mood, center my state of mind, and feed my soul – an airplane & the beach. Without fail, as long as I’m not exhausted and sleeping, each time I board an airplane, I get giddy for that takeoff feeling (my favorite part, since age 5). I am fortunate to have discovered a love for air travel at an early age, and I look forward to it almost as much as my destination each trip because I know that a stroke of productivity or personal genius is eminent.

Often my airplane ideas are lofty goals, to do lists, or skeletons of business plans. For some reason, I am at my personal best in thought at 30,000 feet in the air. Call me crazy, nerdy, or complex but I wouldn’t give it up – especially not after a week like this past one.

Precisely what I needed to end the week was a 5 hour flight to clear my head, re-energize my goals, own the junk in my life, and get back on track to living my life exactly how I’d like it. On the flight I worked a little, immersed myself in fall fashion magazines, sipped on coconut water…and made my 2015 bucket/goals/resolutions list.

I am ahead of the game, feeling inspired, and my mom was waiting for me at baggage claim with a bear hug. How could my week have possibly ended any better?!

I am blessed and thankful. Hope you had a phenomenal weekend as well! 

The City is my...Man Friend??

"If you can only have one great love, then the city just may be mine. And I don't want nobody talkin' shit about my boyfriend." 

- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Ahh, dating! That delicate balance of extreme highs, lows, vulnerability, elusiveness, and confusion with which I have a love-hate relationship. 

Based on this assessment and my general experiences living here over the past six weeks, I am dating NYC. We are still grabbing drinks, “feeling each other out” and trying to decide if we may be able to stand each other’s company for a year or so (the dating equivalent of a 2 hour dinner, which is apparently a milestone here in NYC dating life).

So, at this point, the city is what my girlfriends would call my “man friend” – not quite boyfriend status because I haven’t figured out if or how I think he fits into my life yet.

As cities go, I’ve fallen in love before. First I fell in love with what I knew of Phoenix as a child visiting family. Then I fell in love with Chicago over seven years ago and can’t exactly explain to you why I didn’t actually choose to move there this year. And I fell in love with Cleveland slowly yet all at once, as it took me almost all of my adult life to realize how amazing it truly was. That being said, I’m not sure I belong there anymore.

I’m also not convinced that I belong here forever. It’s hard to decipher these matters of the heart. I’m not settling down yet, but when I do I want it to be in a city that has great parks and bikesharing for my active spirit, one that is big enough to support good public transportation (sorry CLE), has water views, boasts a great yoga presence, pleases my foodie palate with walkable celebrity chef restaurants & local markets, one whose residents eat/sleep/breathe its sports teams, and ultimately one where I feel at home enough to want to raise a family there and never leave.

Uncharacteristically, I have decided to give NYC an ultimatum of one year to dazzle me in dating (but since he’s my “man friend,” he doesn’t exactly know this). One year of exploring, adventuring, and getting to know the heart of this city while he shows me the delicate depths of his soul in those rare but spectacular moments of discovery.

If he isn’t for me, I’ve certainly learned that it’s not worth sticking around to force it and I refuse to do so. So, get ready for plenty of NYC bucket list-worthy experiences from now to June 2015.

And for now while I feel this thing out and decide if NYC is my one great love, I don't want nobody talkin' shit about my “man friend” until I make that decision for myself. 

"Let us feed you."

I am homesick.

Never before have 4 words struck me and comforted me like they did today, so I wanted to take a minute to share the moment with you along with a little background as to why I was so touched.

It’s my second month in NYC. I’ll leave out the gritty details in an effort not to bore you, and I will just summarize life right now as “I have a lot going on.” I miss my family, my dear friends & their families, and I will say that it is hardest when I am having fun here and wishing I could share it with you all in person.

Last weekend was nothing short of amazing and relaxing for me, and the week that followed was not much short of pure hellacious stress (including a very hungover Friday due to an aggressive work function involving wine). I also injured my back in yoga and I hadn’t been as active as usual. Basically, I was arguably more ready for the weekend than anyone in Manhattan.

I was also sick of complaining to myself and wallowing all week. I’m an optimist and a full believer in life’s truth that we all make our own happiness and shouldn’t rely on anyone else to create it for us. I decided that Saturday would be my day and that I would take back my week by doing everything I want today.

For those of you who are getting to know me, my perfect Saturday is a well-rested day that involves a majority of the following, plus anything else fun:

- morning long run and/or yoga class

- breakfast & coffee (preferably on a porch, terrace, or patio)

- trip to the farmers’ market (involving more coffee)

- something girly (shopping, reading a magazine, doing my nails, buying flowers, etc.)

- quality time with friends, family, and/or my significant other

- cooking something (typically from the farmers’ market)

- wine (the most obvious weekend necessity)

I had not yet been to one of NYC’s greenmarkets so I resolved that this would be the day. It was a little rainy, but I headed out to explore at Union Square. I was in a sea of heirloom tomatoes, root vegetables, fresh flowers, local proteins, fresh herbs, and simply in my happy place. I love wandering a farmers’ market to take in the atmosphere and feel the passion that brings the offerings. I am usually excited, overwhelmed, and indecisive as to what to buy, and today was absolutely no exception.

I was drawn to Berried Treasures Farm’s stall for some beautiful cherry tomatoes that were unexpectedly inexpensive. The sign urged us to taste a tomato, which I know now is Franca Tantillo’s passion – this article quotes her as follows, “I just want you to taste one," she implores her customers. "That's my big thing. I want everybody to taste everything. Tasting is believing." 

As I was checking out with my tomatoes, she asked me if my flowers were Dahlias. I explained that they were, and that they were one of my favorites. She mentioned that the local crop hadn’t been great due to the rain this year, and in that single comment I better appreciated my flowers and understood her pure passion for her work. I casually mentioned that I felt deserving of them today to brighten my apartment as I had just moved here, and thanked her for the tomatoes.

As I walked away she called me back over – asking me if I was homesick while she grabbed a bag, she said “let’s get you some beans” and began to stuff haricots, favas, and wax beans into a bag for me. I was in mild shock at her kindness while simultaneously wondering how I could show my appreciation. She handed me the bag – due to emotion I can’t recall her exact words before the last four. She welcomed me to the city, understood my homesickness, and simply said, “Let us feed you.”

One moment. One exchange. One act of kindness to a stranger. This is yet one more example of how NYC can feel like home in such a vast space as Union Square. All the homesickness I'm experiencing and the stress of the week became insignificant to me - this was more than I needed to turn my day around and put things into perspective.

So please drop everything you think you know about NYC and its people. I am forming my own perceptions of New Yorkers on a daily basis as I become one, and I can tell you that countless cab drivers, baristas, and strangers on the subway have proven to break every single stereotype I’ve ever heard.

I look forward to frequenting the greenmarket to visit Franca, and especially to returning her kindness someday with an offering from my home. Be open, be kind, eat local, and never underestimate the impact of simple kindness on a person’s day or life.

Offerings from Berried Treasures

What is Home?

Home is where the heart is…

Home is wherever I’m with you…

Home is not a place, it’s a feeling…

Home is the nicest word there is…

Home is where our story begins…

Truly, what is home? I found myself in a contemplative state on the train from Newark to Penn Station, returning to the city after a weekend away.

(sidenote: If you ever visit NYC and fly into EWR, don’t be this adventurous. It’s not terrible, but it’s uncomfortable and time consuming. Just fork up the dollars and Uber - take the advice from the girl who “had to try it once”)

I’ve heard many New Yorkers mention the cleansing impact of leaving the city for a weekend, which I’m sure is partly why so many escape to the beach on summer weekends. I had an enticing trip booked, but I honestly can’t say that I felt the need to leave yet. I’ve certainly felt overwhelmed here at times, but I truly am making a home of within the City of Dreams.

Home, that word. In the past 2 years I have lived at 5 addresses for periods of time. I have lived out of suitcases. I have sold most of my belongings to move cross country. And I have shed quite the perception of what I always felt home was. To me then, it was tangible things and being near family & friends. To me now, it is relationships, memories, and anticipation.

My new relationships here are still forming, but my old relationships are stronger than ever. I miss family and friends daily, but since the move I have grown so close to some that are so far away. From OH to LA to AZ to NC to FL, I have dear relatives and friends to call at any hour of the day to share a laugh or cry, and I personally can’t put a value on that. My relationships create my home.

My memories help me to cultivate awareness and appreciation for the present moment. They’re stowed in my heart, framed on my wall, displayed in my Instagram feed, and constantly on my mind. They help me to feel at home wherever I am, and challenge me to realize that I don’t need physical things to represent what I love and where I find comfort. In the right moment, home is: my apartment / the subway / Central Park / Cleveland, Chardon, Phoenix, Tucson / on a plane / etc. My memories create my home.

Anticipation feeds my soul in so many ways – it pushes me to be happier, more optimistic, caring, introspective, goal-oriented, humble, and to appreciate my struggles as teachers. It brings me back down to earth when I need it to in such a simple manner of forcing me to realize that wherever I am, in that moment, all is right on track but the future is oh so exciting! Anticipation creates my home.

This all may not resonate immediately, but think about it for a second as it relates to you. Personally, I find no better way to appreciate the present than to dream about the future, just as young newlyweds & homeowners dream of filling their lives & homes with children, pets, and holiday guests. This is the pure fusion of relationships, memories, & anticipation. 

To me, home is no longer tangible. It is relationships, memories, and anticipation blended with the heat of the subway, the breeze off the Hudson, the bright beacon of Times Square, the serenity of Central Park, the solemn monuments to soldiers past, and the feelings I have while I experience them all.

Perhaps this is just a phase. Perhaps I will feel differently when I settle down someday to create a lifetime home with that one person. For now, rather than over-analyze it, I vow to appreciate my home in this moment and be thankful that I have such a special one.

All I know right now is…there’s no place like home, and I’m beyond excited to continue to build mine.